I love rabbits. I think they are adorable and fuzzy. This is not a new thing from my childhood stuffed animal being a rabbit that still has floppy ears and hangs out in my office. I even had bunny wallpaper in my bedroom far past any reasonable time a kid should have bunny wallpaper in their bedroom. Even though I have loved rabbits I have never owned one because the upkeep is something I logically know I would not be routine enough in maintaining. This however is not about my lifetime relationship with rabbits.
If you have ever been around me you may realize I eat like a rabbit, probably why I have the pet name of Bunny Rabbit (which is better than the alternative of chipmunk which was tried out but I quickly vetoed that). Almost eight years ago I became a vegetarian for personal choices. I have my elevator pitch of that I could not justify save the kittens eat the pigs anymore, but in reality I was never a huge meat-eater. I have my sophomore year roommate to thank for making the switch to vegetarianism easy. Even though that roommate and I had philosophical differences on the consumption of meat by those around us, she really helped me determine what I liked and what I did not like of meat alternatives. In the eight years I have been a vegetarian the options continue to increase every time I go to the grocery store and now I am even lucky enough to find vegetarian fake-fish products which makes me happy on those days I feel like fish sticks but don’t eat fish. Because yes I consider fish an animal and therefore don’t eat them (but this could be an entire blog topic on its own so back on track).
Back to the point of this blog…I am not a small person, part of that is that throughout high school I was not a happy person I did not have great people around me for the most part and I ate a lot of crap. Then I came to college and found some things that were great and found some things that were not so great. I struggled and it wasn’t always easy, poor choices were made lots of pizza was consumed. When I became a vegetarian sophomore year I struggled with the concept that I could not just eat junk food because I was not eating meat. I ended up going on a crash diet where I ate 1250 calories a day which someone at my height was not healthy. I lost a lot of weight, but I was not able to maintain it and as soon as I went home for the holidays that 1250 calories went out the door and I quickly gained it all back. I have struggled with my weight for several years always going back and forth with my weight. Over the past 4 years I have been doing Weight Watchers which has helped but even then I found myself at the heaviest weight I have ever been at. I look at my wedding pictures and think I could have looked so much better in my wedding dress because I just look areas of imperfection. Weight loss isn’t easy and I did not put it on quickly so I don’t plan to lose it quickly but sometimes weighing in and just being stuck is harder than going in and gaining a pound.
Recently I had someone I was working with who is diabetic and was really upset start yelling and saying that I don’t have the right to educate her on a diabetic diet because I am not a size 2 and I am not a small person. This hurt, not going to lie I could pretend that I have the tough skin that allows for me to 100% realize these are the words of a frustrated and sick individual but those words still hurt. I get in my own head a lot because I do eat relatively healthy I eat like a rabbit, vegetables, fruit, water. I don’t eat a lot of carbs, I don’t and I can’t remember the last time I drank anything besides 1 glass of wine (and that only happens once or twice a year). I don’t smoke, I don’t eat processed food, and rarely have soda, so where is my struggle. I have had my thyroid checked in the past without any issues but I can’t seem to continue to lose any weight.
I know a big part of that is exercise, I HATE EXERCISE!!! There is that whole 28 days and you will have a habit but I call BS because I cannot stick with it. However, even though I know I hate it I know it is something I need to do. That is why this weekend after I justified a candle and soap sale in my head I purchased the new Weight Watchers activity link. I am hoping this will motivate me to be more active, it has lights and monitors my activity even syncs to my phone so that I can read my activity status and check on my progress.
With one holiday down Christmas is fast approaching and I know that I will have to fight the beast of cookies and holiday parties. This past week I was down 1.6 and I am hoping that I can continue with the motivation. Being a vegetarian makes it difficult around the holidays because my options are more limited, all of the recipes get adjusted, and multiple pans need to be used. I try not to be difficult but this often results in me munching on snacks and eating things without any purpose. How do people get through the holidays without losing any progress. I need to stop pretending that being a vegetarian is enough.
Feel free to comment with any tricks or words of wisdom.