The waiting game

I know I have been struggling to keep this thing updated, but I never feel like I have anything interesting to write about.  As my due date is quickly approaching (3 days away…eeeek!!!) I have had to face some realities.  First, my priorities are drastically shifting,  second, I am not a patient person and waiting sucks, and third, its time to get focused when its going to be difficult to focus on anything.

On top of shifting priorities the month of August was physically and emotionally exhausting.  Ending July with probably one of the most stressful and awful work weeks for both my husband and I, one of the most important people came to visit for the first week of August and it was amazing, but so emotionally hard to have to once again say goodbye when he had to head back home :(.  Then we had a gaming weekend that caused me to stay up later and wake up earlier than any 8 month pregnant lady probably should.  These things were so amazing, and I wouldn’t have changed those plans but at the end I was drained, and just glad to have my house back.  One thing I did differently this time around was take breaks, I didn’t play every game just because people were there, I stepped out of the room and changed laundry or washed dishes just to give myself space when I was getting overwhelmed.  But there were definitely things I could have done better, but I will get to that in a different section of this post.  Once the week and a half of visitors was over I went straight into studying for my LCPC examination.  Basically a really big test that I stupidly gave myself less than a month of time to study for because I wanted it over with before the baby came.  So after work  I would come home and launch myself into hours of studying, I bought practice exams, study guides, and eventually when I was still doing awful on sections of the exam I bought an online study website subscription. Needless to say I was exhausted but I did PASS!!!! which was super exciting.  When I came home from that test I crashed, I was so drained that when a good friend called I remember briefly talking with her but was pretty sure I was half zombie.

Another stress going into August and the upcoming arrival of my first kid, was that the doctor I had had since I found out I was pregnant informed me that he was closing his practice, it was for wonderful reasons and I couldn’t be more excited for him and his next stage of his life, but I was terrified, I had one shot to find a doctor, that I liked,  that I could get into because there was no time to test out doctors.  I would have one month with this doctor before they would be delivering my child.  Luckily I had the pity/sympathy card of I am 8 months pregnant and my doctor just closed his practice please help, this got me into the doctor that came recommended the most and had a good health score on medical rating sites.  While I do like the new office, it definitely doesn’t feel the same, and I do miss my old doctor, at the end of the day its one month and what I can control is my attitude, so I am accepting the changes, even if I wished my original doctor was still part of my treatment.

As my due date comes ever so closer I have tried to fit social time into my rotation because I know that social life post baby is definitely different.  Some of my friends get it, we have low key bad movie nights, we chat about life and watch ridiculous movies that should never have been created, I am sorry how did anyone think Howard the Duck was worthy of being put onto screen.  These friends get it, they understand that friendships after kids, means putting in an effort, understanding that movie nights will have to involve snacks on the sofa after the kids are put to bed and chatting about life and everything that needs to be caught up on because you don’t get to see each other as much as you would like because life is chaotic and kids are the priority.

There are other groups where I love them, but sometimes I just wonder if the night was worth it in the end, wondering if something is wrong that the interaction went so poorly.  While this could be its very own gaming related blog post and probably will be when I remember to write again, I have had to shift how I interact with these types of nights.  I don’t like when my interactions with someone impacts another non-involved person.  This happens more often than I care to admit between me and one other person in this group because our brains think completely differently, we get enjoyment from games and interactions in completely different ways that are not compatible with one another.  I can take a lot, and I hate confrontation when it involves myself, but with this individual my mouth definitely runs away with me.  My husband describes it as me being a Hamilton (his reference to the Hamilton broadway show).  And while I initially was offended, I later realized he was 100% right.

It took me really thinking about what I can do about the situation to realize that I  will never be able to change how this person talks to me or talks to other people who think differently but I can change how I respond.  After a particular bad couple of interactions in a row  I was wondering if I could even be around this person without bringing down the group.  This sucked for me because I didn’t want to lose out on experiences with other people because I couldn’t positively interact with one individual.  So I changed my mindset, I changed how I looked a this person.  There was no changing them, but I could change my interactions.  In the advice of Aaron Burr, I needed to talk less and smile more.   So I gave it a go, and I stopped trying to persuade this individual to see a different side, and instead just did my own thing, and I think overall I did pretty okay, at least per my husbands report it was a much better interaction than previously.  I am still not sure long term if I will always be able to interact so positively, but I do know that one person isn’t worth me looking like a part of a negative filter.  (Definitely making a mental note for a blog about what to do when your gaming group enjoys games differently though).

To wrap this up I guess I am back to the waiting game aspect of this pregnancy, I can’t start any new projects because baby boy is on his way any day now, but the amount of boredom I am facing has caused me to go stir crazy.  Because my job normally involves so much driving across a 4-5 county radius and I was put on a don’t travel list a couple weeks ago because of his size I sit at the office.  Because my work isn’t putting a temporary replacement into my position while I am away I had to get everything done until the end of the year which means I don’t even have meaningless paperwork I can do :(.  I have found myself working on forms and organizing filing cabinets just to fill my time.  At home because my feet hurt and I am tired, I don’t start anything drastic because I would tire out and be cranky half way through.  When I can finally get that lovely caffeine back into my system I will be a very happy and energetic person (man I miss regular coffee, decaf is just not same).

I think this has rambled enough, hopefully I don’t go so far this time around before editing again, I have decided that there needs to be a small notebook of things I do that is full of blog posts and painting projects…to do list (buy small notebook).

Until next time 🙂





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