I feel like I ask myself some version of this question every single day. Where did the day go, where did the night go, where did the weekend go, how is it already 9pm, AHHH!!!
One of the hardest things to get adjusted to after the baby (besides the exhaustion) has been the lack of free time. Granted this has been compounded by the addition of moving and new house and all that enjoyment, but it still feels like I have more time doing things that I have to do and very little time to do things I want to do.
Since the baby was born I have been in constant mommy mode, which is amazing and I love it. But I realized that 5 months after he was born, besides work and errands to the store I had not been out of the house except for one time to have coffee with a friend. My only role was being a mom, and I had lost all identity by anything else. I didn’t feel like a spouse, a friend, I didn’t feel like anything other than mom. So this started me trying to do something, so I started talking again in my Line App groups and tried calling friends and scheduling trips to see one another. I even tried to set up a date night where my mom would watch the pipsqueak so we could see a movie, I started trying to feel more like a whole person and less like a dairy cow. However, because I started doing this all at the same time I got really excited all at the same time, so when one thing toppled out of place it was hard to keep everything else going.
Trying to set up a date night with a 5 1/2 month old is hard to do, because you can’t mess up their bedtime and you don’t want to inconvenience family. So when my seemingly free afternoon suddenly got an end of the day appointment I had to cancel date night. This hurt more than it should have, but I was so excited to be a couple again that when it couldn’t happen I felt defeated. Hubs did his best to have an in-home date night, but it was hard to get my mood back up and I knew I didn’t enjoy it as much as I should have.
There is no handbook for how to start feeling like a whole person again, your entire world shifts and trying to place it back into a new alignment is difficult. I still don’t feel like myself, I feel happy and overall amazing but sometimes it is jarring to think that life is so amazingly different, but different none the less.
But it is important to find time, we ended up being able to do a morning-date over the weekend and that helped but I realized that trying to force a big date night like we had pre-baby means that if one thing on the precarious schedule of having an infant topples you set yourself up for disappointment. So in the past couple weeks we have found time in small ways, and it has started to make me feel more like a spouse again, and that we are coming together as more than just mom/dad. We have started playing board games, and watching movies again. We are investing in things we can do together. Playing a board game after we put the little one to bed, may not be the best use of our time in regards to productivity around the house but it is the best use of time for us as a couple.
I have been investing in good games for two players, ones that shrink down well and ones that are two player only. So far I have had some great success and been lucky in regards to sales. So far 7 wonders duel is a good shrunk down version of its main game. Other ones I think scale down well are smash up and ascension. Now only if there was a better 2-player version Catan I would be a happy gamer.
I am still very much struggling with how to come to terms with the new status quo. I still don’t feel like I am me, and I have a different entirety than what I had pre baby. I am still adjusting to the fact that I probably wont feel ownership over myself for sometime. But I am starting/trying to get control over other parts of my life.
I may be a mom but that’s not my only identifier. Now its finding the time to be a great mom and great every other label that I choose to have. Until next time go listen to some Ed Sheeran or The Weeknd and have a great time.