That is a lie, I don’t actually want a time turner but I do want more time. I feel like life is constantly on a scattered schedule and I wish I could get a grasp on parts of it. In the process of getting a new house, new jobs, pretty much new everything I feel like there isn’t much time to just sit. But even though it is chaotic I wouldn’t change any of it because its also so much fun.
Being back where I grew up is amazing. Not because of the being on my old stomping grounds, but because I am buy my family. I get to make birthday cakes for nephews and have celebrations at our house. I get to have my kiddo grow up around his cousins and one set of grandparents. I get to have him go everyday and play with someone who loves him unconditionally and I don’t have the additional worry of wondering what latest cold he will pick up from a daycare.
With all that I do love being home, its not easy. I think when we moved back everyone was worried what my husband would be doing, how would he get out to meet people, who would he be hanging out with. He quickly found a game group and I was left wondering what to do with my time. Most of my friends that I kept in contact with aren’t here they left, and I have a hard time finding people with similar interests. Not so easy to be like, “hey do you like board games and video games, and harry potter and all things pretty much similarly in the nerd spectrum”. Most people give me that blank stare when I talk about my interests. BUT I am trying, I force myself to go eat in the cafeteria/break room instead of the safety of my little office space. I engage in conversation, and hopefully one of these days I will catch someone talking about their latest game of Lord of Waterdeep and how it all came down to that last turn (one can hope right).
but back on to the topic of wanting more time. I want to be able to get all the things I want to get done while not missing any of my little monsters milestones. I love working, I love my job but I find myself worried that I will be the one missing his first steps and when he starts to crawl. I know for myself I wouldn’t be able to be a stay at home mom. I don’t have the personality for that and it wouldn’t make me a healthy individual. But I wish I could have it all. I wish I had the energy and the time to spend with him where I am not tired, to work and not be thinking about how he is feeling or if he was fussy for my mom. I am sure it gets easier but I definitely am having those blink and I might miss him grow up fears.
To help myself with some of this I bring him with me when I run errands. Its not the most practical and I know that I could get things done way more if I ran to Target without him, but that’s my time with him. He is giggling in the cart and flirting with the cashiers or he is snuggling up on my shoulder as I carry him because he was so over being in that carseat. He comes to Weight Watchers with me every Saturday because he is my reason to stick with this whole healthy living thing. I don’t want to miss anything, and I am sick of hurting when I sit on the floor to play with him. Work is one thing, income and keeping a roof over his head and clothes on his back are kind of an important parental task. But I refuse to miss things because I hurt to much, or I don’t want to go out because I feel “fat”.
This weight journey is difficult and I want more time in the day because I want to be able to have enough time to feel like going for a walk isn’t taking away from my time with him. But I think my weight journey may be a whole other article.
If someone can figure out that whole time turner thing without the dangerous plot holes and issue with changing the timeline and altering it immeasurably thing, that would be great. Or maybe just freezing time so I can go for a walk and then not miss a single thing (except the dirty diapers I will gladly miss those).
Until next time go listen to Ed Sheerans new album because its amazing.